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Shot Through the Foot, and Youíre To Blame
a one-act play by Ryan Edward McCall




Setting: Outside a bank. Hank is standing at an ATM, Sue is directly behind him, holding a gun pressed to his back.

Hank: Thatís a gun, isnít it?
Sue:(condescending) Wow. Youíre perceptive. Now just put the card in the machine. Slowly, no sudden movements. Good. Now type in your PIN...
Hank:(slightly panicked) I know what to do; I donít have to be coached.
Sue: You have a gun to your back, honey. Itíd be a good idea to stay calm.
Hank: Iíd like to see you stay calm while being robbed.
Sue: Iím not the one getting robbed, so it has nothiní to do with me. Now type the number.
Hank: And what if I donít? What are you going to do? Shoot me?
Sue: Thatís what the gunís for, honey.
Hank: Donít call me honey. I donít even know you. Besides, I donít think youíre going to gun me down in broad daylight in
    front of a bank.
Sue: Youíd be surprised, honey. Now type the number before I lose my patience.
He: You know what? I refuse to. (waves his arms in the air) Help! Police!
Sue: Shut up! (shoots him in the foot)
Hank: You shot me! I canít believe you just shot me!
Sue: I told you youíd be surprised, honey. (looks at Hankís foot) Itís just a flesh wound.
Hank: A flesh wound?!? You nearly blew my foot off!
Sue: You need to manage your stress better. Youíll live longer.
Hank: Iíll live longer if I donít get shot!
Sue: Shut up and type the damn number, honey. Good. Now hit ďwithdrawals.Ē Good. This is your first time, isnít it, honey?
Hank: Yes, I donít believe Iíve been robbed at gunpoint before.
Sue: Right. You seem like a novice victim. Now punch in $1000.
Hank: $1000?!? Why would I give you $1000?!
Sue: Remember the gun, honey?
Hank: Oh, yes. (a pause, as Hank withdraws the money) Well, there you go.
Sue: Thanks. Have a nice day, and see someone about that foot, honey.
(Hank hobbles off, and Sue walks away in the opposite direction, counting her money)