Q: What the fuck is this?
A: Well, mister pottymouth, Invalid Syntax Error is what may be referred to as my personal homepage. I am retiscent in using this term as, up until this point, I have included absolutely nothing about myself. This is where I showcase my writings, as well as any other oddities I feel like putting into hypertextual existance. Note that I do not only put up my best writings. I put up dismal failures (see Mind Virus) as well as sparkling successes (see Ned., So What Is Up With the Penguin, Anyway?, No Reality, The Book of Cheryl, Out the Window...). This is probably a huge mistake on my part.
Q: Who the fuck are you?
A: Wrong section, buster!
(from this point on, I'll refrain from swearing in every single question... that got old real quickly)
Q: Where's the pictures?
A: There are almost none. This is, in essence, as close to a minimalist website you'll ever find, while at least retaining some semblence of content. Actually, I've always been of the opinion that content is far more important than appearance, and this is how I've made the page. With content, not glitz. You could go to billions upon billions of webpages to see pretty pictures and flashy design without an iota of real content. My webpage is different in that it is chock full of content without any irritating, load-time consuming gimmicks. It also must also be said that some people are artists, and their pages reflect that. I am a writer, and this page should reflect that.
Q: Is "hypertextual" a real word?
A: Probably not.
Q: Do you think you're funny or something?
A: Yes. Yes I do. So do other people. You obviously have no sense of humour. A pity, really.
Q: What's with your spelling?
A: Yes, I tend to have erratic spelling. I am an American (or should I say Usonian?), and I generally spell that way. I occasionally use British spellings, because I like them better, and I occasionally use archaic spellings because it amuses me. I'm all about my own amusement, really.
Q: What's with them there words you be usin'?
A: It's called a vocabulary, dipshit. Get one.
Q: I don't get it.
A: That's not a question.
Q: Are we not men?
A: We are DEVO!
(I am so very sorry for that one.)
Q: How often do you update?
A: Essentially, as often as I damn well feel, thank you very much.
Q: Why did you make Invalid Syntax Error?
A: Boredom. Also, I had another webpage, The Inescapable World of Dethboy, which, looking back, was utterly detestable. Sure, it had a few amusing parts, but mostly it just annoyed me toward the end. I attempted a complete revamp, including changing the title, but in the end I decided it was beyond salvageability. I took down the front page there, and got a new address, and made a new page entirely from scratch. Invalid Syntax Error is the product. I originally envisioned having two serial storylines with weekly updates, as well as a weekly column, but my utter lack of motivation interfered with these plans, and I ended up going with one serial storyline (The Book of Cheryl) with occasional updates, and occasional essays going where the column would be.
Q: What's with the URL? That's just creepy, man.
A: It's meant as a joke. It has absolutely nothing to do with Invalid Syntax Error, or with anything at all, really. I just needed something unusual which would stand out in people's minds. I think I succeeded phenominally in that respect.
Q: What's the Book of Cheryl? Is that about yourself?
A: No, it is not about myself. Considering that I am not a woman, do not live in a fantasy kingdom, and do not generally say "Eep" very often, I don't see how it could be about me. It is, quite obviously, a work of fiction. It's a serial storyline that I really have no particular intentions of ever ending. It will just go on and on until either I get sick of it and shoot myself, or until nobody reads it anymore. The latter seems like it may happen far sooner than the former.
Q: Why is your hit counter so low?
A: Because nobody comes here.
Q: What's all that "Fooopwear" stuff?
A: A joke, really. It is really all available for purchase, however. I have a few ideas for shirts that I may actually more seriously promote, but not in the near future. I'd need a scanner to do that.
Q: What does "fooop" mean?
A: It means fooop. Duh. It is a nonsense word which I invented. I really don't know why. I thought it was pretty damn funny, so I decided to make it a running gag. In other words: Inanity. Pure inanity.
Q: What is The NUMB Guy?
A: The In-Joke That Wouldn't Die. It's something I came up with years ago... basicly an inane doodle. I added it to my old page, and then it just grew from that point on. At it's height, the NUMB Guy craze included a mailing list, a webring, an award, something called "NUMB Guy Sez", and something called "The Church of the NUMB Guy". I fear some of this may make a return eventually, especially considering that there is NUMB Guy memorabilia available for purchase. The horror.
If I may make a somewhat pretentious statement (and who's going to stop
me?) The NUMB Guy was really the icon of my old site, whereas Cheryl would
really be the icon of ISE. Of course, my old site got a hell of a lot more
hits, so I don't know what that should tell you.
That's all for now. If somebody actually *asks* anything, I'll be sure
to post my answer. If they ask something I answered here, however, I will
taunt them mercilessly. The fools.
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