sitting on the sofa in another person's home, who can resist the urge to
stick one's hands between the cushions when nobody's looking? Discovering
what other people have between their couch cushions, or in the small cracks
between the cushion and their chair is often what will keep a house guest
from slipping into a coma. But did you know that this behavior can be profitable
Assume that in the average
cushion expedition you find three pennies, two dimes, and a pencil. If
you do this ten million times, you will get $2.3 million dollars, and ten
million pencils. Now, if you sell all of the pencils (and who would need
all those pencils anyway?), you could get up to $3.3 million dollars. Imagine
all that money, just from being a busybody.
Of course, results may vary.
For instance, if you tend to visit people with clean couches and chairs,
or if you get caught in the act, or if you keep some of the pencils, you
may be earning less than you could. Also, it may or may not be an impossibility
to look between ten million cushions.
Houses, of course, are not
the only place this can be done. Public libraries always have a great wealth
hidden in their chairs, from a great number of people. Taking two trips
to the library a week could have you earning six figures easily.
This is not to say that there
are not downsides to this new and exciting hobby. For instance, there could
be sharp objects hidden in furniture. Also, getting caught poses a problem,
as some small-minded people (as well as police) consider taking things
from other people's houses "stealing."
Nevertheless, the benefits
of this profitable hobby are boundless. Here's a few tips to help you get
That's all I have for now. Be
sure to check this column next time for more fun and useful information
which may or may not be true, depending upon your defenition of "truth."
1. Never look in the cushions of anyone
who you know to own a small animal (a hampster or such) which they tend
to lose track of.
2. When checking cushions, be sure to always
carry around a pair of rubber gloves. This is not for protection, but rather
more of a talisman.
3. Don't take anything that you can't fit in
4. If you find food in cushions, always be sure
you can identify it before eating it. If you can't tell what it is, you
shouldn't eat it.