When sitting on the sofa in another person's home, who can resist the urge to stick one's hands between the cushions when nobody's looking? Discovering what other people have between their couch cushions, or in the small cracks between the cushion and their chair is often what will keep a house guest from slipping into a coma. But did you know that this behavior can be profitable as well?
    Assume that in the average cushion expedition you find three pennies, two dimes, and a pencil. If you do this ten million times, you will get $2.3 million dollars, and ten million pencils. Now, if you sell all of the pencils (and who would need all those pencils anyway?), you could get up to $3.3 million dollars. Imagine all that money, just from being a busybody.
    Of course, results may vary. For instance, if you tend to visit people with clean couches and chairs, or if you get caught in the act, or if you keep some of the pencils, you may be earning less than you could. Also, it may or may not be an impossibility to look between ten million cushions.
    Houses, of course, are not the only place this can be done. Public libraries always have a great wealth hidden in their chairs, from a great number of people. Taking two trips to the library a week could have you earning six figures easily.
    This is not to say that there are not downsides to this new and exciting hobby. For instance, there could be sharp objects hidden in furniture. Also, getting caught poses a problem, as some small-minded people (as well as police) consider taking things from other people's houses "stealing."
    Nevertheless, the benefits of this profitable hobby are boundless. Here's a few tips to help you get started:
 

1. Never look in the cushions of anyone who you know to own a small animal (a hampster or such) which they tend to lose track of.
2. When checking cushions, be sure to always carry around a pair of rubber gloves. This is not for protection, but rather more of a talisman.
3. Don't take anything that you can't fit in your pocket.
4. If you find food in cushions, always be sure you can identify it before eating it. If you can't tell what it is, you shouldn't eat it.
 

    That's all I have for now. Be sure to check this column next time for more fun and useful information which may or may not be true, depending upon your defenition of "truth."